I haven't written for a longggg time.
The reason I stopped is probably because I got too busy with life and it took too much of my time, trying to form my thoughts around the things I write... because when I start, a lot of fresh things comes up, which connects to the main thing that I want to express. Also, I have lost the confidence of the voice that the Father has gifted me with. For a long time I have kept silent by the enemy and also by my own will. This is probably one of the best way for me to express things that are stirring in my heart (apart from music). I praise God for opening this avenue for me to express my voice, His voice and truths through me.
You see.. I think I started when I was 13 or 14 years old. I remember the random blessings I received through blogging. Somehow, someway by My Father's divine appointment, I was connected in the bloggin world with other mothers in the USA. We shared a common faith, believed in the same God and was passionate to pursue a life worthy of His calling. We used to encourage each other in Christ, spur one another on and even challenged our own paradigm of who God is and how we viewed God Him through our lenses.
And then I stopped... and started again.. and stopped again... and from then on, I try to keep a personal journal about my conversations with God, my emotions with Him or whatever that is happening around my life, my deepest prayers, concerns, worries... etc. Well, I don't think I'd need to explain, because everyone knows what a journal is.
I have been reading my friend's blogs and have seen how they have touched my heart through their testimones and how they boldly proclaim the revelations they receive through the Holy Spirit and encounters with God. I desire and long to be bold in proclaiming His truths and to share my encounters as well.
I believe that...
(I want these believes to move from my mind to my heart - O Lord, come and open the eyes of my heart!)
- Jesus is truly alive... He is the true Son of God and Son of Man, who resurrected from the dead and has returned to the Father, but He will return again! He will return differently than when He first came... not as a sacrificial lamb we once read or knew about in the gospel, but as the Bridegroom-King & Judge (written in the book of Revelation, Daniel & Isaiah).
- The Word is alive... The Bible is not just a written piece of history with heaps of stories about the great people of God in the past. It contains things that is to come... To expect things that God will do and will fulfill in His Word. We often like to read it and apply what we've read as good principles in our lives. That's really not enough! The Word is Jesus Himself. We have to come to know the LIVING WORD. We have to know the PERSON. I mean.. His WORDS brought forth life, like literally! From when creation began, He started and when He spoke to individuals like Daniel who fell dead when he saw HIM. By the way, His Word still bring forth life. It didn't happen just that time or those other times in the Bible, but it is REAL, ACTIVE and ALIVE even now. He speaks even now into our hearts! He longs and desires to speak to us and be real to us. Not just mere words that we read about Him, and come to know about Him. We can know Him, but not really know Him as well. How well can you really know a person by reading his/her biography. I mean it's good. I'm not saying that reading biographies are useless. It's written about a person - so you'll know ABOUT the person. You'll know about the person's background, history, what he/she has done, their successes/failures, what happened when he/she lived, sometimes a history of the before the person was born and after he/she has passed away as well... etc. But, one can't truly know the person until you actually ENCOUNTER the person yourself. Well, I have good news for us! Since Jesus is alive, you CAN encounter Him! How amazing is that really!!! You have a CHANCE and OPPORTUNITY to really meet the REAL DEAL if you really want/desire to do so (Wow! I haven't actually thought about it that way till I wrote this out.... You see these kinda stuff and revelations happen when I am usually typing or writing... Praise God!)
- I need to know the AUTHOR of the Bible. Not the ones who wrote the books and chapters - it'll be awesome to meet them one day when we are all gathered together again with the saints, apostles on the new earth. I'm talking about the One who inspired these words. The Alpha & Omega, The First and the Last, the Beginning and the End. He knows the whole story front to back, back to front... [and I need to say this too: He KNOWS us and our story from front to back, back to front]. He is the UNCREATED one. I was talking to a person yesterday and He said, something along the lines of, how awesome it is for all the created (ie. the elders in heaven, all living creatures & angels, all saints, even Satan was created by God), ALL will worship the uncreated... and he was like in awe... and it took me a while to reflect about it and think about what he had said to grasp it. Then, I remember the verse I have been meditating on in the book of Revelation, HE who said that He is the One "who is, who was and who is to come..." (Rev 1:8). He is the One who has been there isnce the beginning and HIs word will come to pass and be fulfilled in time to come... to the very end. He is and will be FOREVER, EVERLASTING. You know what... we think that we do not know the story... but we actually do. We have the story, but we just don't want to read it, hear it or understand it. It's not even about IT. We are not interested in meeting the PERSON. The word does not facinate us, therefore, the author wouldn't. Unless, we know the AUTHOR personally, that can change a whole lot, can it? You're probably more interested to know more about the person closest to you rather than a stranger. Well, sometimes strangers are easier to get to know because you know nothing about the person. But let's think for a moment... would you rather know more about your husband or wife? your girl friend or boy friend? your best friend? your family members? or a stranger? I want to say this.. God is PERSONAL.. and should be PERSONAL to us who claims ourselves as Christians, or as His followers, but we treat Him like a familiar stranger. What's a familiar stranger? Someone whom we kinda know... we have these familiarity... but well still a stranger to us. Is that really a relationship? NO! He's has to be more than that to us.
- Who is He?? Who is He?? Do we know what kind of Father, He is? What do we know about this Bridegroom God? Do we know the One who is the ultimate judges? How will He rule as King? Who is He really... I want to know... because all my life, I have boxed God up, I boxed Jesus up, and I thought I knew the Triune God, when actually I don't really know much about Him... I haven't really experience a WHOLE LOT of Him. I probably took glimpses of Him, either forgot about it later or magnified it and thought He is all that...but no.. He is so so much more.
"O dear God, please facinate me with who You truly are! You are more than what my mind and heart could probably comprehend or phatom... but I still want to know You for You. You said in Your Word that you desire for us, Your believers, Your followers to be with You and see Your glory, and to know the love that the Father had for You since the Beginning of time, before anything was even created (Jn 17)... and You have loved us with the same love that the Father loves You, Jesus. The Father loves us with the same kind of love that He loves Jesus. My goodness! How crazy yet amazing is that, that You would love us like that. Now I kinda understand why you rebuke the disciples,"O you lil faith!" because I have such lil faith too in your love for me and for others. O God, please be merciful and gracious, and reveal Your love and more of Yourself, the truth of who You are. I know that You love to reveal to those who seeks after You. You reveal through the Holy Spirit who is IN us as well. We have the Spirit of God in us. I am believing that Your Word is true and You are the Truth. So open my eyes to see, open my ears to hear, open my mind to know and open my heart to receive the Words that You have for me... tonight even in my dreams, and tomorrow when I wake before I rush to attend the service, and during the service.. and when meet You at the prayer room. Keep knocking on the door of my heart Jesus and do not give up on me. I know I am slowly learning to really let You in. You have suffered long for me... and You have been and continually is patient towards me. I thank You, for Your loving-kindness... In Jesus Name, Amen"
